


if you see me in the darkness

by writerblender



Series: wondertrev tumblr ficlets [1]
Category: Wonder Woman (2017)
Genre: F/M, this is sad but i asked for it so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 03:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11751378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerblender/pseuds/writerblender
Summary: a ficlet based on the prompt, "diana is the one that dies and steve keeps thinking he sees her on the streets, but never does."





	if you see me in the darkness

Steve misses it.

It happens some time between when he parachutes out of the ticking time bomb of a plane and when he races back to the camp where explosions are still going on. He doesn’t make it all the way back before he’s stopped by Sameer and Chief.

“Steve, no!” Sameer yells. He places a firm hand on Steve’s chest, preventing him from going any further. “Steve, we cannot go back there.”

“What?” Steve demands. Adrenaline runs through his veins; he’s ready to run into battle and finish this fight. “Diana’s back there; we _have_ to _help_ her. Charlie - where’s Charlie?”

“Charlie’s injured; he’s safe,” Chief explains. He’s now got a hand on Steve’s chest as well and dread pools in Steve’s stomach. Something’s wrong and he _knows_ it. “We can’t help Diana anymore.”

“Sure we can,” Steve insists, voice growing more desperate as more explosions light up the sky in his line of vision. “She was hurt – we can draw some of the fire towards us, like Veld - !”

“She’s dead,” Chief says and the words jar Steve’s chest so badly that he thinks his world has stopped spinning completely.

“W-What do you mean?” Steve gasps out. The hands on his chest now move to hold him steady. “She was fine when I left - she was fine, Chief - she was -”

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Sameer offers. It doesn’t do much and Steve thinks that he knows that but he accepts it all the same. His head is spinning and his eyes are burning. He can only nod in response.

“We need to get to Charlie,” Chief says quietly and Steve nods numbly in response. 

Sameer keeps an arm around Steve as they walk towards their other comrade, keeping him steady. The adrenaline is wearing off quickly, leaving Steve’s limbs shaking with exhaustion and grief.

It’s not until they catch up to Charlie; when they’re safe, that Steve sits numbly, waiting for explosions to stop shaking the sky and ground. 

Diana’s a goddess. She’s an Amazon. She was sculpted from clay. She was born with a god as her father. She could still be alive.

Steve hopelessly holds onto that small piece of hope.

…

They wait until daybreak to go back to the sight where they last saw Diana. The explosions have stopped for a few hours now and the other three men agree that it’s finally safe to go looking.

Steve leads them, eager to find Diana. The other three men trail behind, waiting to find a body.

They find her inside a crater. The earth has buckled around her, making her a makeshift tomb until the men could get to her. She looks peaceful and Steve would mistake her for sleeping if it weren’t for the awkward angle that her back is bent at.

He doesn’t try to call her name. He doesn’t try to shake her or beg her to wake up, to return to him. Instead, he carefully makes his way to her, kneels beside her head, and brushes the hair away from her face. She looks as radiant and beautiful as when she pulled him out of the ocean almost a week ago.

He leans down, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Her skin is still warm.

It’s suddenly too much - too much like last night when they were happy and alive and in love; too much like a life they will never get to have - and the dam breaks. Steve clamps a hand over his mouth and sobs.

…

“We should take her back to her home,” Sameer offers. It’s the first time any of them have spoken in hours since Steve’s crying has finally calmed to weak hiccups and wet cheeks. “Her family should see her going on to the next world.”

“No,” Steve croaks from where he’s still kneeling. “She can’t go back. It’s their rule.”

“What kind of rule – ?!” Sameer begins when Chief sends him a pointed look, effectively silencing him.

“We’ll have a proper burial,” is all Chief offers and Steve nods. It’s all they can give her now.

…

They bury her in a small grave on the outskirts of Veld. Steve thinks that she was happy here; that this is the best place they can put her to rest. If they were still alive, the people of the town would have remembered her kindly. They would have allowed her remains to remain here.

Steve says a few words, as well as Chief and Sameer. None of them are quite sure what exactly to say; they’ve never buried someone like her before. They’ve never had to bury a goddess.

Charlie offers to sing for her, one last time. He makes it halfway through the song before the grief takes him over. Once Steve registers that he’s begun to weep, he picks up the shovel closest to him and begins to fill the grave.

…

They return to England. Etta greets them with smiles and watery eyes. Sameer goes back to his family and Charlie returns to pubs to drown away his sorrows. Chief goes back to his trade and promises to visit often.

Steve tries to return back to life and fails miserably. The military puts him on leave due to post-traumatic stress and Steve spends most of his days at his home, going over documents and government plans that Etta sneaks into his mailbox.

At night, he dreams that he’s the one in the grave and Diana is standing over him, pushing dirt back into the hole with her bare hands. Steve opens his mouth to tell her that he’s not gone, that he’s still alive, but Diana only shoves the earth into mouth. He suffocates until he wakes up, gasping for breath and with only a bitter taste left in his mouth to keep him company.

…

The first time it happens, Steve is on his way to visit Etta. He’s walking down the street, keeping his head down and minding his own business, when he sees her.

She’s a few paces ahead of him, smiling at something that the woman she’s walking with says. Her eyes flicker towards him and her smile becomes polite, nodding towards him.

“Diana, he breathes, surging forward and grasping her hands in his. It’s a miracle, sure, but she’s a goddess. It’s not that far fetched; she’s taken down _buildings_ –

“Excuse me, sir!” The woman’s voice brings him out of his train of thought and his head snaps towards her direction. “Let go of her!”

When Steve turns back to Diana, to apologize, to explain, he realizes, suddenly, that this woman is not her. Instead, she’s a young woman he’s never seen before, looking startled and confused as she tries to wrench her hands out of his grip.

“I - I’m so sorry,” Steve begins, letting her go immediately. “I thought you were my friend.” He hurries off before the woman can call for help or to have him arrested.

He turns the corner into an alleyway and rests his hands on his knees. He feels nauseous and his vision is swimming. _This is what losing your mind feels like_ , he thinks.

…

The next time it happens, Steve is walking back to his apartment, groceries in one hand. He sees her at an ice cream vendor, handing ice cream to the small girl attached to her hip.

He steps in, giving the vendor his change from the store and pays for the small girl’s treat. The woman, who he knows won’t be Diana when he looks at her again, lets out a small, surprised gasp and thanks him.

Steve only smiles at her, saying that he’d hope someone would do the same for his daughter and wife - the ones he’ll never have, and the woman beams in response. 

Steve bends down, asking the little girl if her treat is good. The little girl nods enthusiastically. There’s ice cream all over her face and Steve can only grin at her innocence, so much like Diana’s.

It’s only once he gets home that he lets himself succumb to the grief again. 

When he finally stands, cheeks wet and eyes red, he puts away the groceries, spoiled milk and all.

…

He sees her in the women protesting on the streets, demanding the right to vote.

This time, it turns out to be a young woman, barely eighteen, holding up a sign and yelling about a woman’s born right to be equal and to have a voice. Steve has just realized that she’s not Diana when he hears the first police siren go off.

He grabs the girl by her elbow and she looks over at him, terrified and a cry already falling from her lips. 

“You’ve gotta come with me,“ he says in a low voice, watching as chaos erupts quickly around them. She only continues to struggle against his grip, eyes wild with fear. “Look, I don’t want to hurt you. We just have to get away from here; they’ll arrest you and they won’t let you out. It’ll be easy if you come with me but we have to go now. Trust me; you don’t want to do this.”

The girl wretches out of his grip, face defiant and determined. “You don’t get to decide what I do.”

The words sit with Steve even after he leaves, even after he watches her run off with her sign still in hand, even after he’s gotten home. It’s not until he’s lying in bed that he remembers.

_What I do is not up to you._

He stumbles up to the bathroom and vomits.

…

He only needs a new coat.

He sees her standing at the counter, trying on glasses as she gazes in the mirror. He watches her pick around for a few minutes before she decides on a pair, making small talk with the cashier as she pays.

He makes his way over, examining the spectacles for himself. “Don’t pick those,” a voice says next to him.

He turns to look at the woman, smiling. “No?”

The girl makes a face, shaking her head. “Nah. They’ll look awful on you.” She pauses at her choice of words, biting her lip as she thinks. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Steve only laughs, which makes the girl crack a smile. “Thanks for the advice. I’ll keep looking,” he replies.

Before he can think of something else to say, the girl gasps at the stranger standing next to him. “Oh, a baby!” She grins. “She’s beautiful!”

The mother smiles and thanks her, waving the baby’s hand in her direction. The woman only beams, laughing as she catches Steve’s gaze. “Sorry,” she apologizes. “I just really love ‘em.”

“It’s okay,” Steve insists. “A friend used to do the same thing.”

“I’m Jackie,” she says, sticking her hand out to him.

“Steve,” He takes her hand and her grin widens. “It’s nice to meet you.”

They talk for a while, about spectacles and strangers. Steve asks Jackie to get coffee with him and Jackie agrees, beaming. When she leaves, Steve smiles. He still feels a sting of pain in his chest but it doesn’t hurt as much anymore.

When she leaves, he doesn’t see Diana. Instead, he just sees the future.

**Author's Note:**

> YEAH I GAVE STEVE TREVOR A GIRLFRIEND HE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY TOO and i can't do /all/ angst i have to take it in strides ok
> 
> more wondertrev angst ficlets this week !! i asked for it
> 
> the title is from "like a river runs" by bleachers (aka my soulmate)
> 
> if you want to yell at me for this or just about wonder woman, hmu on tumblr @ writerblender


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